You might find that work, parenting, sleeping, and other obligations keep you from getting on Twitter as much as you’d really like to. And that’s ok – it’s what we’re here for. Here are our 15 favorite Tweets that tell it like it is when it comes to parenting.
15. Dad’s ALWAYS know how to get out of trouble.
5: *mouthing off*
Me: what did you say? *angry mom voice*
5: I said I love you
Little shit taking one from his dads book… #momlife
— Holly Ballantine (@Oil_Patch_Chick) January 10, 2017
14. Wouldn’t know, still waiting on that one. But one can dream, right?
That feeling when your year and half old is in bed by 8:30pm and still sleeping at 6am. #dadlife pic.twitter.com/pjYHLmWaRB
— Christopher Hall (@Chris_Hall88) January 10, 2017
13. Color? Volume? Consistency? “Honey, this hummus is to die for.”
The depth of foul that parents can discuss even while eating is shocking. #hugedump #dadlife https://t.co/jqTcD6skkQ pic.twitter.com/xFBv1VBd1i
— travcaldwell (@travcaldwell) January 9, 2017
12. Don’t. Ever. Wake. A. Sleeping. Baby.
When you are begging your baby to nap then when they finally nap you want them to wake up so you can cuddle them…. #momlife
— Kelly-Ann (@KelAnnMargaret) January 10, 2017
11. Yup. New Year’s Eve 2017, anyone?
When you live in pajama pants and yoga pants #momlife
— mariah (@mgallantxo10) January 10, 2017
10. Some babies will never learn.
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the baby whose nose I stole.
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) September 20, 2016
9. One less thing to worry about.
A good thing about this cold weather is no smelly milk cups left in the backseat.
They’re still there, I just won’t smell them until spring
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) January 9, 2017
8. Well, it’s the thought that counts.
Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done!
I didn’t do any of it.
But I certainly had the opportunity.
— Marlebean (@Marlebean) January 9, 2017
7. Parenting emojis need to be a thing.
Still waiting on a female emoji with dark under eye circles and messy hair holding a dirty, screaming child.
— Missy (@MamaFizzles) October 13, 2016
6. We’ll be the judge of that!
To my Twitter mom followers:
Capri Sun Orange does not make a good vodka mixer.
That is all.
— Erasmus the Wizard (@ErasmusTheWiz) October 16, 2016
5. IT IS NOT A MINIVAN.
Q: What do u call an SUV with 6 children, 8 soccer balls, & 4 lacrosse sticks crammed into it?
A: A minivan. You’re not fooling anyone, ok?
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 29, 2016
4. This is our favorite move.
Waited long enough to fold the laundry that it’s now dusty enough to justify washing it again, buying me time before I have to fold laundry.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) August 25, 2016
3. When every way is wrong, no way is wrong.
Parenting the right way?
You must be new. There is no right way. Every way is the wrong way.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 8, 2016
2. You didn’t think we’d skip out on a #DadJoke, did you?
7 y/o daughter: Dad, do trees poop?
Me: Of course!
7 y/o: Really?
Me: Why do you think they call them “Number 2” pencils?
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) May 27, 2015
1. We’ve tried. It’s true. People just look at you like you’re the one with the problem.
Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that’s not allowed if the baby is yours.
— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014